


All I Need

by orphan_account



Category: Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Angst with a Happy Ending, Cuddling & Snuggling, Established Relationship, M/M, Panic Attacks
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-12-25
Updated: 2014-12-25
Packaged: 2018-03-02 20:08:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,921
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2824607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fitz isn't feeling too confident in himself or his new relationship status. Mack has other ideas, after a couple of bumps in the road.</p>
            </blockquote>





	All I Need

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Squishy_TRex](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Squishy_TRex/gifts).



> Quick warning for panic attacks. It's a relatively mild one, going by my own experience, but I still wanted to give everyone a heads up

The thoughts didn’t start coming in the beginning. Fitz is still riding on the high that this is actually happening. That Mack actually is interested in someone like him is like a dream come true. Shrimpy, average-looking, weirdo Leopold Fitz managed to end up in an honest-to-God _relationship_ with ridiculously built, insanely good looking, brilliant Alphonso Mackenzie. The first couple of weeks pass by in a haze of joy and laughter. And then one day, Lance makes one of his usual snarky comments, and it’s like the floodgates of Hell had opened. This was rather ridiculous, considering that Lance wasn't even talking about Fitz or Mack! Nagging thoughts darken their interactions and they won’t _stop_. If Mack notices that Fitz becomes quieter whenever they’re together, he doesn't mention it, and Fitz doesn't want to bring it up. Everyone’s trying to figure out what exactly went on down in the temple, Fitz included. Sometimes, he thinks that he doesn't want to know… Everyone made it out alive, even after the near-death scare with Trip, and the city taking control over Mack’s mind, and _something_ happening to Skye and Raina. When they reached the surface, Ward and Agent 33 – no, Agent Kara Palamas, that’s what her file said, level 9 and loyal to SHIELD like no other before HYDRA got to her – were gone, as well as the rest of Whitehall’s men. It took a few more days of rest and recuperation before Fitz was cleared to return to his duties, the events which had transpired having no evident effect on his… condition. He wanders through the Bus, not keeping any clear destination in mind. It isn't until he finds himself in Mack's formerly pristine garage that he realizes where his feet led him.

"Hey, you alright Turbo? Looking a little lost there." Mack's teasing tone precedes his appearance, keeping his voice soft as if he didn't want to frighten Fitz away.

"What, yeah. I-I'm fine. Shouldn't you still be in a bed or something?" As much as Fitz appreciates the view of Mack's relatively unclothed state, he'd rather not have the physical reminder of how much more appealing Mack is. Plus there was still the fact that some alien city possessed him not that long ago. Fitz presses himself against the doorway, clutching it like a lifeline, as if it could stop Mack from approaching him, which with those muscles  _was just not fair_. Mack comes to a stop in front of him, leaning against the wall and tilting his head to look at Fitz.

""Should" is the key word. Between Bobbi and Hunter and the rest of you people's shenanigans, this place got trashed. Picking up the mess is a good compromise of being in the garage and not doing actual work." He gives Fitz a grin, as if he was marveling at his own ingenuity. Fitz huddles in closer to the doorway, simultaneously wishing to be as close to Mack as possible, and to put more space between them.

"You found a... a..." The frustration of not being able to get the words out like he used to tugs at him. His fingers clench and unclench, and hearing the cracking sounds they make makes him wince.

"A loophole?" Mack inputs gently, his hands reaching out to take Fitz's hands into his own, flattening them between his palms and rubbing little circles with his thumbs. They're so much bigger compared to Fitz's. Everything about Mack is.

"...Yeah. That." He stares at their entwined hands, his thoughts swirling around tumultuously. Mack leans down to kiss him, keeping their hands pressed together. They stay like that for a few moments, basking in each other's presence. Fitz pushes down the pit of guilt that rises up to taunt him. He probably shouldn't stay so attached to Mack, not when Mack deserves someone a little less... damaged. He'll probably leave once he's all healed up. But for now, Fitz will take what he can get.

* * *

Days, and then weeks, and then months pass. Soon enough, it's almost Christmas. Skye has taken to decorating the Bus with a childlike glee, her old personality shining through. She's recruited an all-too-willing Trip and a not-very-reluctant Simmons. Together, they manage to wrap tinsel around every single surface on the Bus, and paste sprigs of plastic faux-mistletoe in ridiculous places. Fitz isn't sure if May didn't notice the mistletoe in the cockpit, or if she let it remain there on purpose due to all the trips Coulson makes there, and  _oh sweet baby Jesus he does not want to think about that_. He's been trying to avoid Mack - and Skye too for that matter, it's not like he wants to get roped into one of her crazy schemes - to save himself from undue heartbreak when Mack inevitably ends things between them. He thinks it's going to happen soon. Mack's been frowning at him lately, and Fitz sees him whispering to Lance and Bobbi. Hopefully he does it after Christmas... Maybe that way he can have one really good memory before it's all over. And besides, it would ruin Skye's happiness over the holiday, and that wouldn't be right. It's a couple of days before Christmas itself when Mack pulls him aside after lunch. Fitz's stomach jolts a little, the hope that the confrontation would wait until after Christmas dying quickly.

"Alright, what's the matter." Mack's concerned tone puts Fitz off edge for a second. Maybe Mack was trying to let him down gently?

"What do you mean? Everything's f-fine." Mack frowns slightly at this, clearly not believing him.

"Yeah, well if everything's as fine as you say it is, why have you been avoiding me?" Fitz was left speechless as he tried to scramble for an answer. "Knock it off Turbo, you've been doing it ever since we got back from the city. Is it because of what I did? I did try and hurt you. Hell, I did hurt Bobbi  _and_ Coulson." Fitz starts shaking his head almost frantically.

"No no no no no. It's not you, I swear it's not. I-I-I just... I-" He lets out a noise of frustration, angry that his words are failing him again, at the moment when he needs them more than ever. And then suddenly he's choking and he can't breathe and oh God why is the room closing in around him everything's getting smaller and smaller he can't breathe... He can hear a distant shouting from somewhere, and then there are hands holding onto his, and a familiar voice is speaking in his ear.

"Fitz, hey Fitz, it's okay, everything's okay. I want you to breathe with me nice and slow, in and out, in and out." He desperately tries to follow the voice's instructions, and after what feels like an age, he recognizes Skye's voice. "Good, that's good Fitz, you're doing so good." He opens his eyes - when did he even close them? - and there she is, sitting in front of him, her hands holding his. The rest of the team is there, looking down at him - why is he on the floor? - with worried eyes. Mack's there too, behind Coulson and May, a clenched fist raised at his mouth - he's probably biting his index finger's knuckle. Of all the nervous tics that he picked up from Fitz, that one was a surprise - an undiscernable look on his face. Skye smiles when she sees his eyes are open. "Hey. You okay now?" He nods, unable to trust his voice to not break. "Good. Looks like you had a panic attack. I was pretty much the only person who had them, so I stepped in to help." Fitz has to crack a smile at that. After what happened at the temple, Skye... was a little out of it. It was a little surprising to find that when she freaked out, a mini-earthquake happened. Coulson spoke up.

"Do you need some room? I'm sure May can land the bus somewhere, get you something to eat or drink." Fitz is already shaking his head, no.

"I-I'll be alri-al-alright. I think I'll just.... stay in my bunk for a bit." He gets up, a little shakily, Skye helping him when he falters. He takes a step, pauses, and when he feels certain that he's not going to keel over, he takes another one. He passes by Jemma and Trip, both looking at him with concern and worry written all over their faces. He squeezes Simmons' hand, and gives Trip a shaky smile before heading down the hall to his bunk. He collapses on his bed when he gets there, and it's only a minute before Mack slips in.

"Hey." He glances up from where his face is mashed into the pillow to where Mack is leaning against the closed door.

"Hey." The bed shifts a little as Mack sits on the edge of the bed next to him. His body heat warms Fitz more than the blanket he's burrowed under.

"Are we gonna talk about this? The panic attack, I mean. Has it happened before? Did I make it worse? Come on Turbo, I can't help if I don't know what's wrong." Fitz's reply is soft when it comes out.

"You don't have to do this. I may have just had a panic attack, which was actually a really terrifying experience no wonder Skye nearly blew up the Earth each time, but really if you're going to break up with me, I'd rather not-" Mack cuts in before he can finish.

"Wait, wait, what? Who said I'm gonna break up with you? Honestly, where would you even get that idea?" Fitz sits up to face him fully.

"Oh come off it. You're  _you_ , and I'm just.... me. There's no way you could ever want to stay with me. It's not even in the realm of being possible." Mack just stares at him. "It was great while it lasted, so if you could just get it over with, that'd be nice." Mack runs a hand over his face.

"Let me get this straight. You've been avoiding me for weeks just because you thought that I was gonna break up with you?" Fitz nods his head jerkily. Mack lets out a snort.

"Well that was dumb." Fitz opens his mouth to protest, but Mack cuts him off. "Everyone can see that I'm stupid over you Turbo. Whether you like it or not, you're stuck with me until one of us keels over, or _you_  get tired of  _me_. That's what I thought this was. I thought you were uncomfortable with us being in a relationship and trying to break it off." Fitz stares at him incredulously. He whispers back.

"Well that was dumb." Mack starts, but Fitz isn't done parroting his words back to him. "Everyone can see I'm stupid over you." Mack grins, and puts a hand on Fitz's cheek.

"I'd really like to kiss you now. Is that cool with you?" Fitz nods, a small grin quickly growing on his face. Mack kisses him gently, pushing him back onto the bed. They move around for a little bit, trying to get comfortable on a bed that's on the small side for just one person, let alone two. They remain in each others' arms for the rest of the night, exchanging lazy kisses until they fall asleep. If May goes in to check on them and takes a picture of the two of them tangled in each other, well... That's her business. And maybe Phil's.

**Author's Note:**

> For some reason, I really like writing about characters who don't think they're good enough for their partners.


End file.
